past not equal to furture
now a dayz m getting realli lazii not onli tat but m having mixed emotions toosumthings make me think a lot while others i dun even bother abt itbut today's entry is abt my mummi the heroine of my life && certain thingssalrite mummi!!!!i knw u can see me tat m writing tis letter to ubut u can't response to me && even if u do neither can i see it or hear itcertain things realli hurt me mumi dun knw who to tell too but sumtimes i feel like crying out loudbut sumtimes i realli need a shoulder to pour out my sorrowsthe size of my heart is realli small but inside it 1001 things r all bottled upi dun knw wen it wld burst but wen it burst nth can be done teni always wanted to tell ya hw much u mean to mebut as i felt soo shy && found it soo childish tat my love for uhav neva been expresses )):as i wan to tell it nw, u aren't herey mus u leave me sooo fast wen u promised me million thingssbut nw all those things hav vanished through thin air17yrs ago a foetus was formed in ya wombthe place where nth can ever replace itthe place filled wit warmness & love & care & concern & everythingbut ten i didn't knw time wld be realli short for me to cum out so soon frm the heavenly placewen i came out i felt cold,shivery,scared ten i started crying hoping i wld get the warmness againten i heard ya heartbeat in those small ears & felt ya warmness once againten i realised i got bk the feeling againeach time wen i cried u picked me up && checked on methinkin sumthin might hav hurt me or even i was crying in hunger or anitingi started to grew upi grew up as a princessa baby gal where she got everything && demanded for morebut tat baby gal didn't realise tat she was making use of her mother's loveshe did not treasure temwen she got out of her cage she flew away far away frm her motherwhere she thought she cld do aniting && everything in lifeten 16yrs later she started making her mother cry each && every nitemaybe she took revenge??? or was it tat she didn't realise the love???she did not knw ten but nw wen tat baby gal is nw 17 she realised the truthbut the queen wasn't ard animoreshe started regreting by crying,screaming out loud hoping she wld sumhw find the warmness again.but she didn't,she did not get itsumtimes she wonders y is tat her sis && dad && even her dog cld see her && feel her presence while she does not get itis it her ill fate??? or the punishment tat she deserved??&& ten she asked the queen," Y MUM U HATE ME SOOO MUCH??" or "DID I MAKE U SUFFER SOO MUCH??" no answers given to herbut life as to still go on she can't forget the incident her whole life till she close her eyes && take her last breath on earthall she wish nw is tat once she is gone she wld go bk to her queen once againhoping to ask for forgiveness && give her the big warmest hug ani1 cld get it on earthas i walk dwn the streets i see many mother & daughters holding hand walkingtoking,laughing,eating,dancing,singing,fighting&& i get jealous as i dun get to do ani of them again wit uu mus be surprised hw cum i m writing abt u but i dun knw hw to express my loveso i realli hope u wld read tis && hug me in my dreams for once mumas u were concerned for my studies && u said i was always playfuli m proud to say i struggled && passed my N'leveli passed every single subjects mumi hope i made u proudnw u as wished again m taking my Os tis yri hope i wld do ya proud again by passing them && pursuing my dreamsi jus wan u to give me ya blessing for everything i do mummy love for u is not said by wrds,it can onli be felt by u && onli ulotsa love princess nw my life story!!!!i wonder y my bk of LIFE is soooo big && filled wit a lot of thingslolxxevery1 does face different kind of problem daily in life i wld not say my problems here but jus i feel INCOMPLETE && SCREWED && TROUBLED && LOSTtis wrds can describe hw i feel && wad is happeninggtime fly soooo fast tat nw is march gona end && april wld rise2mths left for my Os MT papersi hope tat i wld pass itat least B3 or A2 is enough for meeeegod bless everyone && tc of my queenLabels: lost soul
I gave you my promise
on Friday, March 28, 2008; 7:00 PM