I promise... I will be back...

m still a gal in the end & i do hav a heart

i dun knw wad's rong but jus feeling sumthing is rong sum where
my heart feels realli tooo heavy && i dun knw y
is it cos m sad??
or want to cry??
or can't take the pain??
i myself dun knw

my heart && mind is not saying the same things
sld i follow my mind or my heart??
of course my heart but sumtimes my heart oso learnt to tell lies to me

i feel like crying out
but there is no 1 there for me to lend me their shoulders
i feel like hugging sum1 but i cld onli see their backs cos they all moved away frm me

m not being emo
but jus telling out hw m i feeling
y dun't ani1 understand me??
put theirself 1 min in my shoes && feel it
then tell me hw they felt.

days of happiness hav gone frm my life
but many said i can't && must not remain like tat if not its too hard
but i jus can't make myself cum out of it
it hurts deep dwn my heart

my tears are abt to roll dwn my cheeks but m holding on to them
nowadays i seem to be a mad gal
toking to myself while walking dwn the road
i do tok to my mum oso,cos i knw she is there wit me && watching very single thing
so i tok to her but onli i can feel her presense but can't see her
thus i look like a mental

m i suffering frm aniting??
i dun knw
but i lack of sumthin

many says different things but to me,i dun knw
i seem to dun knw aniting
cos i look soo blur tat i dun knw wad is happening

things aren't supposed to be forgotten
but hav to be forced to forget them
as i m tying this my heart gets heavier each time,sec,min

i still hav to live
to show many ppl tat i can make it in life
they r not living my life so they dun knw me

plsh dun judge the person on the outer looks
but look deep inside them u wld see the real them
a small living thing looking for help but seems to be lost

i wld not say tat i did not hav a wonderful childhood
i did,&& i had the most wonderful childhood tat ani1 cld hav
was realli the princess of my parents
got all the stuffs i wanted

but as yrs passed by
ppl tend to change even me i changed
i did not understand their love
sum said i stole their love
took away their happiness
but they forgot it wld hurt me && it does hurt me

let me tell u,i did not ask god to make me born on tis earth
neither did i was born to take away ur happiness
i was oso borned to tis earth for a simple reason for wad ur born for oso

m not blaming ani1 here
jus dun think or blame yaself
but m jus typing wad i m feeling tats it

now aft muchh thinking i hav decided to drop my art
i can't take it
but its for my own gd
i wld sum hw try my level best to pass it && make it through

jus leave me alone ppl
dun cum bk to me as though u cared
its jus fake,i knw tat
jus move away frm me
since u left me,u jus go
i dun wanna u bk

below there is sumthing i wrote on 07/05/08 abt MOTHER
hope its sumthing meaninful for those who are reading
so here it goes...

Mother's love is the best love in the whole universe.
Nothing can beat or withstand it
But once the mother's love departs,there is nothing else
that can replace it.
It can only be felt through love,care,concern,warmness
No matter how much a person try to replace it
he fails && he would continue to fail
Once the mother's love is gone,
No matter how hard you might try it will never come back
&& if it comes back it would not be the same
A person who has lost his mother's love is equal to a person
who is living but without his heart beating
In the end it proves that neither an human being nor an animal
can live without a mother's love...

jus sumthing tat was frm my bottom of my heart
maybe i wld say tat i wrote tat with my mum
in my mind

days passes by
&& each day brings new memories,
new ppl && everything new
it jus depends on hw u want to live tat each day
our life is at our hands
before its tooo late,to realise tat u hav not lived enough
jus live each day as u hav neva lived before
enjoy every sec of life
its worth living for

`|i| $horty

Labels: it hurts deep down

I gave you my promise

on Thursday, May 29, 2008; 6:45 PM

stress

i think i can say its been ages since i last blog
not say ages but i think nearly a mth
its not tat i dun wanna blog or sumthing
i seriously had no time
almost every single day i cum bk home ard 7pm+
by the time i do my own stuffs,it wld be 8+
then HOMEWORK && its loads loads loads of them
hav to complete them for next day sch

&& i was having MT intensive for 2wks
cos my MT paper was today
so had to prepare for tat
i did my level best to stay awake && complete all the work tat was given

it went well,i think the 2 wks of MT class went well
i took my O's paper today
&& i cld write beta && my thoughts were flowing well
&& before the time cld end i finished my papers

actualli had many many things to blog abt
but m realli SUPER DEAD tired
&& i wrote all my daily happenings in my dairy

but no worries i wld try my level best to update my blog like wen i can
&& those who read my blog or who is reading my blog
sry for the SUPER short entry

`|i| m$.sHoRtY

Labels: take me away

I gave you my promise

on Monday, May 26, 2008; 2:45 PM

mad gal

blog blog blog blog
nwadays tats the onli thing tat relive me frm stress && stuffs
hav been wanting to blog since last wk
but my laziness jus stops me && its getting worse
cos m nt like doing anithing alr
seriously m like moving away frm many things
&& its soo irritating

i knw tat life has its up && dwn
m like sailing in between them nw
sum times its realli tooo high up tat i can't stand it
there are oso times where i m tooo dwn tat i can't reach up at all
but nw m in the middle
not moving ani where
i feel soo glued to where i m standing
dun knw why oso

ytd i was jus standind at my room window n looking out at the sky
&& jus thinking through all those memories
i had wit my mum
both gd && bad times
tears starts to roll dwn as i think abt those time

wen my mum goes to work
toks to unknown ppl
then the day came
i saw her in the being carried away in the ambulance
then next in the hospital lying motionlessly
funeral 1000s crying for her
but sum realli fake
i can see tat oso

i realli regret y didn't i treasure those times wit her
always getting angry wit her over small small issuses
like tv,food,hse even dogs
now left with nothing but jus memories which are glued to my heart && mind

as sum ppl knw i feel more like an human robot
wake up daily,bathe,eat,go sch,study,cum bk home,watch tv,bathe,eat,study & slp
normal life without aniting
words seriously can't explain my feelings
but it can onli be felt
hatred,life pain,sorrows
i have seen through all

i used to be the most happiest gal but nw the other way ard
faking to ppl tat m totally fine && perfect
but the pain is still there
the happiness gone
sorrows live on

m toking like an old lady
but even though m jus 17 i think i hav seen my half life dwn the drain alr
my O's are getting near
&& me still unprepared
as i tld tat m still stuck
seriously stucked

i hav to wake up or it wld be too late
sum hw i hav to try to prove to sum ppl tat i can make it
i need to achieve my dreams
my ambition
&& lead my life once again
make my parents proud of me
i wanna make them say,"OH KIRTHI,TAT GAL *******'S DAUGHTER AH..WOW SHE IS DAMN GOOD NW DOING WELL IN LIFE"
&& not "KIRTHI TAT GAL??? *****'S DAUGHTER SHE AH WASTE HER LIFE && NOW GOOD FOR NTH SHAME HER PARENTS"

sum hw i wld wake up again
&& life still moves on

"Loneliness is part of human.
It reminds us tat we are not complete in ourselves.
We born alone,we live alone,we die alone.
Onli through love && friendships can we create the illusion for the moment
that we are not alone.
The most terrible poverty is loneliness && the feeling of being unloved"

Labels: poverty everyone goes through in life

I gave you my promise

on Tuesday, May 6, 2008; 7:37 PM